Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20131012-1729a.mp3

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my own house in London, and I'm joined by friend and standup comedian, Rob D___.

Coming up on the show today, we have our regular features / that's a good feature. It's a good solid one. How are we gonna __ / today / nice / asking people / proper / later on / don't __ today / tomorrow / tomorrow or the day after / I'm gonna play with my puppy later. / Good. / Not a euphemism / see in your face / see your face / people / no, it's not / I've literally got / so-called puppy I've never seen / it's a real puppy. / Is it now? / play / in a minute / get out in a minute / in front of you. / Oh my goodness. / expensive comedy right there / go on, get my puppy / play with it in front of you. Then you will believe it. / Yeah. / At the moment you seem / some kind of / yeah / my puppy / Yeah. / leaving / saying / Sorry, mate / actually / broadcast / this time of day, you / watch things, you know / Christmas / dangerous territory / Yeah / Revenge. That's another feature / on-going one / Huh huh. / keep it light / celebrity at a urinal or in a cubicle / that's / do you want one? / I want one / A couple of years ago / is it / at a TV festival / I had / next to Jeremy C___ at the TV festival. / Sarah / keep it light / He didn't wash. ... straight back out. / No. / I said it. / really didn't wash his hands / I wash my hands / I was in a restaurant the other day. The chef came in, went to toilet, didn't wash / in front of / still / still out there. / so, it's not one of / I don't / I just / look / why didn't, why didn't / Jeremy C___ doesn't wash his hands / might be in a hurry / this is / you can always make up time on / like / foot down /

you like this / you are a geeky, sort of, sciency, spotty type / come on / No offence. / too late / you read, didn't you / newspaper yesterday, they found, like, 500 million episodes of Dr. Who / How many did they find? / can't remember / I don't think / 500 / how many was it, then? / front page / yesterday / load of old Dr. Who / episodes they haven't shown / from 19... from 1950's I think / didn't they? Yeah, yeah / good news / really weird thing / How wierd is that?  ... / yeah/ properly freaked you out / I can see that clearly on your face / says / this sounds / your puppy. / I'm gonna get my puppy out in a minute, mate.

"Bring back B__ Bingo", says somebody anonimously, uh, by / it's audio-human b___. Um, / had a feature a while ago, / Huh huh. / where I would give people a phrase. ... You know, a phrase, just something based on the news. / Huh huh. / you know, what / so far today / like, uh ... yeah, like when David Cameron / saying in the paper / holidays this year / I / get people / I don't see / what all the fuss is about / year / say that, as many times as they could to somebody, repetitively / see how long they took / lose __ temper / stuck up the phrases / until somebody absolutely lose / you don't explain it, you don't / why you are saying it. So, / need / people today / OK / because of the Vatican, you know, Vatican / this is a great story. / Rob's bending down to pick up the story / the Vatican printed lots of __ medals / they minted them. / Right. / And, uh / Right / they had to stop / out because they spelt "Jesus" wrong. / they spelt it  / started with an "L" instead of a "J". Uh, and they actually minted, like, four, and, uh, and they / stopped because they realized / they stopped / really really rare now. / OK. / maybe / Lesus / What about ... so, as I ... / audio b___ for today, / Huh huh. / What about ... this is the phrase / you have to say this as many times as you can / normally / said it / the winner / no prize at all / BBC / get a satisfaction of winning / you have to say, "I don't think Jesus / mind / spelt / his name. He is a nice bloke. / good, good. / Does that work? / Yeah / how many / say that before somebody / nice bloke / really lose / with you / do lose / you go / very good one, this week / sounds like / tomorrow morning / let me find, ... let me find / previous weeks. You stay there / pick up some stuff / kitchen floor / Oh, Lesus, what are you doing now?

I / on twitter, and, uh, / apparently / you do / nothing like him / talking about / Rhod Gilbert looks more like Noel Edmonds / did they say that? / did / actually / yeah, absolutely. But also good suggestion / human-b___ / I can't believe / Dr. Who episodes / That's a nice one. Who's that from? / Thomas / on Twitter / believe / Dr. Who episodes / human audio b__ / there it is. / as many times as you can, and, uh, see / I can't believe they found this / You won't get me on this. You won't get me in my own feature. / I can't believe / Oh my god. ... This is radio eating itself. This is radio eating / on tail / got me / shut up, will you shut up ... I'll tell you / four times / genuinely slightly irritated. See how many times you can do it at home. Don't tell a person / just say that. What is it, Rob? / I can't believe they / episode /

Rhod, my name is Grace. I'm 15. I live in Alaska. I listen to your podcast. In my US history class, I / playing human b___. As a result, yesterday, my teacher asked me to stay back after class. He told me that, if I'd like to / continue to c___ British jokes. I may as well ask my ancestor / stay there and __ __ political injustice. ... I was born in Norway. ... What? Huh? OK. Um ... / clue on going for gold. I realize that's quite an old __ __ Henry / reference / the time is right / done for you" ... Did they really exist, those people / going for gold / if / not / probably / remember / Henry __, 1980's, quiz show, with people from all over Europe / all over Europe / playing today / we have Mary / from Belfast / Do these people exist? / probably came by coach / how did they ... how did they know about going for gold? / how did somebody in ... living in Holland know about "Going for Gold / lunch time British TV quiz / spec / maybe they wondered around / landmarks and / got tourists in / OK / such a disadvantage. They didn't / second, third, fourth language or whatever. / They want __ __ though. / better educated. / Yes. / I don't know if they are ... just saying that / on everything British / quite / I shouldn't be / I don't believe they / Dr. Who episodes. / I can't / I mean / just / where / I mean, they were lost. They were lost / episode / that / audio b___.  / then tell us / tell us how many times you said it / reaction. Somebody has to properly explode. I want people losing with you / kick you with the back legs, like / that would be great. That would be great. Or, even if you can get on somebody's back, ... get on some / I think / notice / trying to say / something up, if you climb / forget the back. Forget my idea / but if you can irritate / you might do / flip on their / hands / that would win it / straight win / we wouldn't be bothered / probably close the feature. / breakdown / if / just sounds like a euphemism / your puppy / puppy / my puppy is not a euphemism / breakdown

Hi, Rhod. Greetings from Tokyo. __ ... we are back in the game / this is from Keith in Tokyo / got a pretty good features / on show today / coming in / a feature. / it's quite good / though ... Have you ever met someone mentioned in a song? Have you ever met someone mentioned in a song?  / it is good / Rob D___ / both arms in the air, live on radio in my kitchen on BBC Radio Wales / met someone mentioned in a song. / Yeah, you know / never stop looking, never stop looking for Lynda / I know / Can I stop you? If you know someone called Lynda, honestly / Well, according to this Lynda, she is ... / hang on. This is a new feature: "Have you met somebody who claims to be someone in a song?" / yeah, yeah, yeah. / So, who is this ... let's, let's / probably not / supposed to be a secret, you see. / Is it? / easier / what's the song? I don't know the song. / Well, this bloke / he's looking for someone called Lynda / never gonna stop / Human Cry / Human Cry? / Never stop looking, never stop looking for Lynda, looking out for Lynda / I don't know / easily. The production team in Cardiff, this is how slick are. They've got it lined up / I thought / better. / Looking out for Lynda / Never stop looking, never stop looking for Lynda, looking out for Lynda, never stop looking, never stop looking for Lynda, looking out for Lynda / So, that's the track, Rob. Looking for Lynda. Now you claim ... you know, you, Rob __, you are claiming to know a Lynda / I definitely know / my claim is, I can substantiate my own claim / you definitely know a Lynda who claims to be the Lynda in this song / The Lynda of / this is / Does she have any proof? / Human Cry was looking for? / I don't know / how she / Human Cry / over here? / yeah, yeah / she didn't make a big fuss / didn't make a big fuss / you know who it is / anyone looking for Lynda, I know where she is / at least Tweet them / anyone looking for / I know who she is / looking for / releasing a pop single is the best way / you stick / lamppost / looking / I'm genuinely looking / you stick note / personal adds / cat / yeah, yeah, exactly / photo of Lynda. In fact / missing Lynda / picture of her / put those little / people / you shouldn't have bothered / releasing a song / Human Cry / get a grip. There / other mechanism / methods / finding missing people / now then, listen / Hi, Rhod / Tokyo / suggested the feature / I can't believe / I never believed her. / she reckoned she is. No, no. / any proof for this kinda things / you genuinely didn't believe her? / you just / she goes again / something, which is quite / just / here goes Lynda again / off / Lynda, you are 45, you are working __ __. It's not you / talking about / it is, it is, Rob. It is. I've been in touch, you see? / You know her? / met someone mentioned in a song. It's a good feature. I like it. Rob __ / already / someone / claims to be / a few years back / I met the then Irish ambassador in a bar in Tokyo. Ambassador James S__. It turns out that he happens to be Fergul S__ 's cousin. / His perfect cousin / my perfect cousin / he turns out / happens to be Fergul S__'s / perfect cousin with the sheepskin jacket as mentioned / classic "My perfect cousin / cause he / kick, and I didn't know / oh my perfect cousin / something about sheep ... / sheep-skin jacket, Keith / email / got / so slick / hit it / I don't / my perfect cousin / much better song. No offence. / Now I've got a cousin called Kevin

I can't believe they found / lost Dr. Who / gone ... won't they? / they were lost out / I thought they / I can't / that's the human audio b___, ladies and gentlemen. This week / we've had an email about it as well / somebody / do it / Hi, Rhod / this is from Amy in New Zealand, who says "It's midnight here in New Zealand. I'm the only one awake." / New Zealand / I am the only one awake / means / at midnight / they do go to bed early in New Zealand / half past eleven / straight away / ridden / it's midnight / only one awake / on both islands? / Yes. So, I cannot bug my family about Dr. Who / Human B__ / I was extremely excited about the found episodes / with you, Amy. I can't believe / can you believe / Amy / play / sometimes / only one who's awake / you've gotta do that. ... She starts her email, uh, / Amy / comments / starts / which I think / best greetings I've ever / just for Amy and her dog / unborn __, happy new year / to you, Amy / is that offensive? 'Cause I / we looked it up / while / track was playing / actually means "Be healthy" in Maori, I presume, from New Zealand. So, / offensive / saying / day to you / means, uh, / in the jungle / sunny funny / bongo / I wish I could tell you, listeners, that he just looked it up / on the internet. ... Unfortunately, it's on his hard drive, in his brain.

Hi, Rhod. I was channeling you yesterday in a cafe" ... This is from Nick / Canne / which is in summer time, isn't it? / yeah / five / There is / isn't it, / that way / don't know / Are you sure / cause, if I, if I / always like to stop / other services available. / Including / no / what's the one / good one / Yeah, I remember it. Brilliant. / I was just gonna say L__ D__ / I win. / You've nicked my services. / Sorry about this. This is a live radio show, everyone. ... Rod / this is a problem when you are in your own kitchen / sometimes you just forget / forget / live on radio / just a chat / Nick from Canne / Huh huh. / which is / I believe / services / no, no, don't, don't do, don't get in the circle / dejavu / which is a service / dejavu service / I can't believe they've found those ... Dr. Who episode / I can't believe it. / lost / gone / episode / I can't believe it / Hi Rhod. I was channeling you yesterday in a cafe / we asked for some paper and crayons to keep my daughter ammused ... in a cafe / She's 24 / when they arrived the crayons were labeled "non-toxic". ... Huh, OK. ... "Channelling you" says nic / I had to fight the urge / instead / toxic crayons / Nick, what are you talking about? / Yeah, yeah. / It's not for everyone, is it? / Nick, never contact the show again. ... Here's a better one. "Dear Rhod / look / dear / thanks, D___ / Keep on coming.

I can't believe they've found those lost Dr. Who episodes / Nicola Jones, uh, in / something else / too much / pointed out. Uh ... "Hi, Rhod, me and Pierre ... / Oui / me and Pierre are driving from __ to Cardiff right now to see C__ D__ tonight. ... Can you get us in the mood on the journey?" What? / Rob / get you in the mood / really saying is that we / rest / stop talking / why don't you give it a rest / Hey, if I was ... if I were / service / didn't get you in the mood, I don't know / I imagine ... I imagine / you / off again. / Cardiff West. C__. P__. / yeah / right / you said my services / I think we can put it in a box and sell / for Christmas / said my / everyone. ... I imagine, that / Cardiff, you might / entertaining. / Yeah, yeah. / I can imagine / direct / bumpy / any more / services from ___ to Cardiff / a lovely j___ / take a while / why / bringing you the services / Yeah, just imagine, you can pull into, uh,  / you can still stop in ... uh ... probably / yeah / that's my advice, Nicola. All right? / Montgomery / not / sorry, I think / I meant / stopping all those. 8470. ... Other roads available. / Good.

Hi, Rhoddy / OK / call me that. "I went to __ last week / I'm not boasting / Not much. / right. I got to the airport / 20 screaming girls there. "Who's this?", I thought. It was J__. / Ah. / even J___ got 20 / we don't get any / if you are gonna have screaming girls, I mean, / 20 is / never had 20 / One Direction's never had hundreds of / basically they've got the internet screaming / imagine if you / 20 / Is there a point at which ... 20 screaming girls, I think, is just about OK. Is there a point at which girls just stop screaming / I think / you've heard / bus stop / with two / that's a different kind of girls / screaming / school / enough money for the bus / But for bands and stars. / Yeah. / Beatles / One Direction / fans / what is the point at which / hang on a minute / enough of us to scream / do you think 19 girls / look around / you can also have / funny when / goes / when / loads of people / 18 / 18 / enough / do you think / a dosen. I think / all right. Six. / six girls / I'd like to follow J__ around until / one girl / screeming / three / four / five / what is the minimum number of girls you need ... before screaming starts / two or three / I think / I'd rather have none. If / two screaming girls / like / tipped if you / waiting / table / 23 p. I would rather have / leave it / sometimes you / yeah / or you give something to somebody, perhaps / on the streets / on the street / back / that happen / has anyone ever / girls, hey, girls, just shut up / go away / enough of you / you / this is embarassing.

Hi. I met James __ in B__ when I was 17. I was awe-struck until they nicked my chips / what feature is that / I don't know / because J__ A__ had previously been caught stealing. / have you not / You can't blame / addiction / it's an illness / I think / addicted to chips / serious note / addicted to chips / I think / is my weakness / yeah / my weakness / sometimes when you / particularly / a bit / sweat on / hang on / picture / hot and exhausted / s___y pants on / on the radio / knock on the door / she said / I said, you know, sometimes when you really like / physical need, 'cause you don't want / other days / like / why is that? / what's the healthy replacement for that?", and she said, "You can try / not to. / and I said / wait a minute / physical need / replacing / something healthy / she said / you can train yourself not to  / I know / come up with some healthy alternative / not to. / what she was saying is, / don't eat them / Just don't talk to me / something / yeah, exactly / I thought of that / come up / myself / one / I couldn't know. I have to / chips / I can't believe they / this isn't great radio / open that cupboard / six pack / they would be gone / it's not great radio / don't bother doing it. Just take / othe crisps are available / Rhod Gilbert's / No, I was just / start a game of / Pringles. / Do they count? / Pringles / yep / allow them. ... Uh, living only a few hundred yards from G__ / you can say / services / you can say / from G___ services, I would like to / from / I would like to say / pronounced "G___". Thank you, E__ / I love / you had her saying / G / sorry, let me say it right. / she's somebody / correct / people's pronounciation / let's / podcast / pronounced / watch this, watch this, E__, watch this, E__ ... I'm gonna / change her email completely / I'd like to congratulate your / thank you, Eve. That / podcast / stick that in your p__ / thank you / "Hi, Rhod / say hello / have a great weekend. What a pleasant email. Thank you / been in touch on the subject of the feature suggested by Keith, "Have you met someone who's named in a song / says no / my name / for years of torment. ... very nice / this is the trouble of / lot of people coming out with / names in songs / easier to come up / very very first time we / radio show / first one / seven years ago / we played Prince / a bit in that song where he goes 'Rhod'. And every single time / as a child in my bedroom, I would go out / what / every single time, got me every single time / every single time

If you enjoyed that one, Listen to the whole show. Rhod Gilbert / live on Saturday morning / bbc / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.